Oh Birthdays... What to do with them.

Most likely you did no know this, but yesterday was my birthday. Being in Portland sure did make the whole experience a little different than the previous 22 of them. To begin it rained all day so I left the house for an hour to go on an epic adventure to the grocery store. I suppose I didn't realize this but when Caitlin and I moved in together there were going to be 2 people eating the food in the house. Never shopping for 2 before is quite a different experience and I believe we average 4 trips to the grocery store a week. The big surprise came when we purchase the same amount of food I lived on by myself a year ago every week. I had no idea Caitlin could eat so much its dumbfounding. The real culprit of what is to blame our excessive grocery adventures is the ambition for real food, and I can tell you that it isn't me. Trust me I am thankful for the desire to eat a healthy, balanced, and well prepared meal, but those vegetables don't come cheap.

The trip was the extent of my physical movement in the day and it was a very typical one. We buy 10 items each which takes 5 minutes to pick out. Caitlin grabs the first can of diced tomatoes and puts it in the cart. Then I pounce in and scan the prices. Not simply looking at the prices but also the nifty little cost per ounce number right below it so I can find the greatest deal. "WHOA!" I say "we could totally save 30 cents on this smaller can, or if we buy a double we could save an extra penny per ounce! THE SAVINGS ARE ENDLESS!" There are a few factors determining my response: 1. how long have we been in the store 2. how many items have I fought her on that day and 3. have I already annoyed her throughout the day. Unfortunately for me, being my birthday and all with the attitude like I can do what I want, #3 had gone way beyond the tolerance point and then "YOU know What?!?!" I have learned not to listen to the words because she will probably hurt my feelings but I believe her emotions are spoken through her hands. The level of strain in her hands in the karate chop position will show how badly she desires to hit me and every time she swings them it is to emphasize those words to be the most hurtful, so more swings more verbal beatings. I can only tuck my tail and agree with whatever degrading definition of me she can concoct.

The pain was well worth it, because the dinner I decided on will not only feed us for a week until it begins to go bad, but it was also very, well I think it could have been better. I am saying this because I feel comfortable insulting what I have done, Caitlin's contributions were flawless, naturally. (A little PR never hurts). Stuffed peppers, with an artichoke and sun dried tomato pasta salad, and the only thing that was eaten completely... fried potato wedges. Curse the desire to eat pounds of salty fried deliciousness when it is available. Best part of course was dessert. Try and follow this. A crushed vanilla wafer crust with a milk chocolate casing. Followed by a layer of sliced bananas under a goopy layer of peanut butter cream cheese, frozen for refreshing qualities no mortal human should dream of eating without knowing someday a buildup of sugar will develop on your brain and nothing will taste the same again. But why stop there? Add a little whipped cream to top it off and you have a true birthday dessert. It was a good way to cap off a truly immobile day, because there was no way I was moving after that.

Besides dinner the day was just sort of lame. The lameness began the night before when I was playing Danny Housewife and cleaning up the kitchen. Just going to wipe off the stove top and WHAMMY! Danny's head, meet metal stove fan corner. Gah! I hate hitting my head. Especially when it leaves a marble sized ball in the middle of my forehead. Worst part was when I awoke the next day I swear it pulsed with every heartbeat. The rest of the day my head felt like someone kept poking me which made enjoying sitting and doing nothing very difficult.

One enjoyable little quirk came when I talked with my family. Turns out in my memory they decided to have a birthday dinner complete with birthday cake and empty spot for me to sit at the table. Not entirely empty though they placed my senior high school photo in my place as if I were pretty much there. I cannot decide how to analyze this behavior but I have a number of theories. There could possibly be a celebration that the responsibility to deal with me on my birthday has been lifted from their shoulders; therefore, they can fully enjoy the merriment without an actual "birthday boy" to appease. Or they could be mocking my existence by comparing my company to that of simply a picture from my past. Personally I believe my presence is not comparable to that of an inanimate object, but I guess other opinions disagree. Either way Their statement has been heard and I am glad they can enjoy my birthday even when I am gone.

Though I was appalled Matthew attempted to recreate me blowing out the candles. Even considering his pathetic attempts of blowing out candles can imitate my mighty destruction of tiny flames is sheer heresy.

Thank you family and others who have wished me the best on such a sub par day. 23 years of memories only worth recalling because of all the great people I have to fill them with. Peace, Love, Food, and Jobs for all!